Hello CHILDREN OF THE FUTURE, and welcome to the first AAS Newsletter SEVEN MONTHS - why the long wait? Because we both RESPECT and ADORE you, and wanted to make sure we gave you FACT only when that FACT was good enough to grace your inbox. An by GOLLY it certainly is. Read on, and prepare to be AGOG.
New Frankie Machine Single
The first and most VITAL piece of FACT for you is that the third Frankie Machine single, "54th & 3rd" is out SOON - in FACT it will be in your local record shop on May 8th. And it is, of course, BLOODY GRATE. Anyone lucky enough to have one of the previous two singles will know to expect raw emotion, beautiful (slightly bleaker this time) sounds, and gorgeous PHAT coloured vinyl - look for the massive BLUE record. The single features the title track plus two additional and EXCLUSIVE songs on the b-side, which make all those quotes we always use about Frankie Machine ("acoustic beauty" - Record & CD Mart, "Very, very special...as damaged as it is defiant, like a secret on vinyl" - Record Collector, "music that comes from the soul" - Original Sin, etc etc) seem NOT ENOUGH to describe it's beauty.
We at AAS are actually quite fond of this record, though as you can see we do not like to SHOW OFF about it. If only 3 tracks isn't enough for you, HOLD YOUR HORSES, as the Album "Frankie Machine & Friends" is nearing completion, and should be out later in the year. Excited? YOU BLOODY SHOULD BE. The Band will be playing at Bath Moles Club on May 3rd and Upstairs At The Garage in London on the 4th. GO THERE.
The Frightened Prisoners Of The Kraken
Next, we are GIDDY with JOY to announce our first new signings for quite some time, and OH BABY was it ever worth the wait. It's not on the SCHEDULE yet, but in the next few months we will be releasing the debut album "Man Car Plane" from THE FRIGHTENED PRISONERS OF THE KRAKEN. Hailing from the ROCK capital of Lancashire, Darwen, these lot have already SET FIRE to the Nation's airwaves with their demo that Steve Lamacq kept playing, and when you hear the album you too will love it as we do. It's cabaret, it's MENTALIST, it will stick in your head FOREVER and, as THE BOARD are now doomed to do forever, you will find yourself going "Torquoiuse Rope on a liquid, splendid, splendid, splendid." ALL THE TIME.
More news on The Kraken next time - if you want some MORE, go their own site at http://www.bababall.co.uk/. You can DOWNLOADS songs there too, so GET TO IT.
The Countryside Is Open For Rock
This weekend just gone saw the Third Annual AAS Away Day take place in Hathersage in Derbyshire, whereby THE BOARD did their bit to revive Britain's flagging tourist industry by sitting in a pub all day, which was VERY GOOD OF THEM. The day produced a surprisingly productive amount of discussion, and many new ideas were evolved, including THE CRITERIA MATRIX, a new version of the Contract, and agreement on several issues which will doubtless PERMEATE the system over the coming year. For those pathologically interested in such things, a report will soon appear on the webpages in VALIDITY (where, since last we spoke, many other exciting new items have appeared), with links to all documentation. Don't say we don't give you the FACTS.
And In Other News
Away from the hurly burl, many of our other GRATE BANDS have been in ACTION. Johnny Domino are currently working on a mini-album, which will hopefully include MULTI MEDIA NESS, even including a VIDEO. MJ Hibbett & The Validators are now in the studio working on their second album (tentatively titled "This Is Not A Library") and will be performing at London's Bull & Gate on May 11th, with our GRATE SHOWBIZ PALS The Fighting Cocks - this will be A Good Night Out. A new single will be out by them soon, whilst Stumble recently had a single out on Fierce Panda, the little monkeys - more details and lots of PICS from their website at http://website.lineone.net/~stumble/ - and Saloon (www.saloon.co.uk) have a a split single out soon with The Sonic Catering Band on Glamour Puss. It's all go isn't it?
Band Member Focus
This time, it's the turn of Jyoti Mishra, from Number One Hitmakers White Town:
| Favourite drink: | Female ejaculate |
| Would you like one? | Er... one what?? Are you unwell? |
| Favourite crisp flavour: | Hairy Onion |
| Chinese, Curry, or Pizza? | Anything but bloody take-away curry. It has nothing to do with real Indian food, which is why it's cooked by Bangladeshis and served to moronic pissheads who'd eat an inner tube as long as it had extra fucking chillis on it. Twats. |
| Favourite member of Take That: | Well, I think they were best before the '36 purge. Some say Josef Barlow has taken Leninist democratic centralism too far and I'd tend to agree with comrade Luxembourg on that point. At the same time, the movements that comrade Leon Williams has taken towards organising a viable Fourth International have been valiant, despite 'Rock DJ' being fucking shit. Whatever comrade William's doctrinal successes, I cannot help but feel that there's an icepick winging his way... |
| Favourite Pub: | Naah - Mongo straight (edge) |
| Why do you want this position? | I feel that at this time in my vocational journey, I'm both ready and able to expand my already extensive skill base with the challenges presented by mink farming. The mink is poised to lead the field both in winter wear and in autonomous quasi-Boltzmann neural-heuristic control. I believe in ten years time, there will be a mink brain in every washing machine, laptop and pen. |
| What is your message to the KIDS? |
If you're under thirty: This is the best time
in your life. The women amongst you will
haveperfect, nuzzable skin with a fine
covering of downy, apple-y smelling hairs.
Your eyes are as yet unlike the dead fisheyes
of women who've been fucked around a lot by
twatty blokes. The men amongst you have
superhuman energy reserves, bones made of
rubber and the ability to crack-off with
*sober* women, based on boyish charm and
pungent pheromones.
If you're over thirty: Your life is over. Even your wanks are joyless, chafing jerks of dry guilt. Those years of drug abuse have stored pathogens in every inch of fatty tissue. Your serotonin level is now fucked, your attention span is wanked and you get cramp in your eyes during shagging. End it now, don't waste anyone else's time. Yes, do it now, before you find yourself in a club trying to chat up one of your daughter's friends like the pantie-sniffing, furtive pornfiend, staring bloke you are. I am 34. |
| Favourite bit in Star Wars: | Any bits with Paul and Ian in. |
NEWS IN BRIEF ++ www.aas.mcmail.com/now/ - 13 EXCLUSIVE TRACKS await you there on the "Now That's What I Call VALID" ++ New Board Member Steve Dresden lightly to be put in charge of follow-up to Project B, but what IS Project B? ++ SALOON head off to New York to MIX, rest of country looks JEALOUS ++ AAS Books Finally Balanced, world rejoices ++